Starting Anew

I swear every few months I resolve to begin blogging again... but it's happening yet again. We shall see if it actually holds this time, who knows. Life is going totally crazy right now, but I'm not going to post about all that right now... I'm going to slowly post about them, drag it out I guess. Haha... anyways, here goes nothing!

The Election

Recently, there was an election. I'm assuming you know this unless you have been living in a bomb shelter. In that case, you wouldn't be reading this. Well I have been following this election and the candidates since 2006. I was a hardcore Mitt Romney fan. He seemed to represent everything that I thought was important and was fully ready to back him. Yes, I was that person. Then Romney dropped out. I stopped caring. My only interest in the election was moving to Australia if Clinton won. Well it finally came to the point where Clinton was out (thank goodness) and soon it was time to apply for an absentee ballot. I sent in my app... and waited... and waited... and waited... I soon realized that I had waited too long, and it was now too late. I was saddened to realize that I couldn't vote, the election that I had been following for so long. Now I won't say who I was planning on voting for. That isn't fair to either candidate, especially now that we have a new President Elect. I will say that I was and am prepared to support either candidate, whoever won. I'll come back to that thought later.

I was disappointed that my family had moved to Georgia. This meant that I was registered there, and not in California. As a California citizen I would have been able to vote on Prop 8. This was the election I actually cared about. I felt very strongly about voting for Prop 8. Not only had those in authority in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints spoken out about this, I felt that this was fundamentally wrong. Marriage is between a Man and a Woman. This is the way it was meant to be created. This was how it was originally ordained, and this is how it was meant to be. Now, I know that people are going to say this is because I'm a Mormon. Grow up people. The count was so close. There is not that percentage of LDS in California. How could we have controlled the vote like that. Not only that, there are some LDS that were against it. Others that have no left the Church because of this. Obviously the majority of California (LDS and non LDS) wanted this to pass. By the way, is violence and hatred really the answer? Why is it necessary for people to treat the church this way? Check out this article. Okay that is all I have to say on that subject.

Here is an excerpt from a talk by Neil A Maxwell. It really sums up my feelings.

“Discipleship includes good citizenship; and in this connection, if you are careful students of the statements of the modern prophets, you will have noticed that with rare exceptions--especially when the First Presidency has spoken out--the concerns expressed have been over moral issues, not issues between political parties. The declarations are about principles, not people, and causes, not candidates. On occasions, at other levels in the Church, a few have not been so discreet, so wise, or so inspired.

“But make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters; in the months and years ahead, events will require of each member that he or she decide whether or not he or she will follow the First Presidency. Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions.

“President Marion G. Romney said, many years ago, that he had "never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional, or political life.” This is a hard doctrine, but it is a particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked. In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ. . . .

“Your discipleship may see the time when such religious convictions are discounted. . .. .

“This new irreligious imperialism seeks to disallow certain opinions simply because those opinions grow out of religious convictions. Resistance to abortion will be seen as primitive. Concern over the institution of the family will be viewed as untrendy and unenlightened. . . .

“It may well be, as our time comes to "suffer shame for his name", that some of this special stress will grow out of that portion of discipleship which involves citizenship. Remember that, as Nephi and Jacob said, we must learn to endure "the crosses of the world" and yet to despise "the shame of [it]". To go on clinging to the iron rod in spite of the mockery and scorn that flow at us from the multitudes in that great and spacious building seen by Father Lehi, which is the "pride of the world," is to disregard the shame of the world. Parenthetically, why--really why--do the disbelievers who line that spacious building watch so intently what the believers are doing? Surely there must be other things for the scorners to do--unless, deep within their seeming disinterest, there is interest.

“If the challenge of the secular church becomes very real, let us, as in all other human relationships, be principled but pleasant. Let us be perceptive without being pompous. Let us have integrity and not write checks with our tongues which our conduct cannot cash.

“Before the ultimate victory of the forces of righteousness, some skirmishes will be lost. Even these, however, must leave a record so that the choices before the people are clear and let others do as they will in the face of prophetic counsel. There will also be times, happily, when a minor defeat seems probable, that others will step forward, having been rallied to righteousness by what we do. We will know the joy, on occasion, of having awakened a slumbering majority of the decent people of all races and creeds--a majority which was, till then, unconscious of itself.

“Jesus said that when the fig trees put forth their leaves "summer is nigh". Thus warned that summer is upon us, let us not then complain of the heat.”

Neal A. Maxwell, “Meeting the Challenges of Today”, BYU Devotional, 10 October 1978

When I read this I was struck by the meaning of this. I have a lot of friends that are really mad because Obama was elected President. Now while I may not agree with all of his ideas, I do know that he was elected by the people. He was able to get the younger vote, and got more people to vote from the younger demographic than ever. I am amazed by his speech making. So while I may not agree with his policy, I do believe in supporting him. He was elected and he is the leader of our country. If we don't all unite, that is much worse than any policy that could be put in place. As made manifest by the 12th Article of Faith, "We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law." So in closing, though I didn't vote, I am going to sustain our President for as long as he is in office. I believe it is the right thing to do.

My Hero Trait

So currently in my life, I am not wanting to be super social. I don't really know why this is. I have a feeling it is due to the fact that I recently moved. I don't really know anyone in my new area, nor have I had much of an opportunity to get to know people in my area. My roommates and I have recently taken up watching seasons on TV together. This isn't really that new for me. I tend to watch a lot of movies and seasons. I recently got huge into Heroes. I've been putting a lot of thought into what I would want my Hero trait to be. I think I would want Hiro's characteristic. I really want to be able to teleport, and stopping time would just be an added bonus. Do you realize how much money this would save? I would be able to just teleport everywhere... no airplanes, no need for cars... nothing. That would be awesome. I could go home whenever I wanted to (that is my biggest issue in life right now). That would be so freaking awesome! And the stopping of time. I don't know I could just get so much more done that way. Then I could go ahead and get the normal amount of sleep and such. It just seems like it would be the coolest one ever.

Shaping of the Life

So here it is, two months after my last post. I've been horrible that way. Life has been one crazy mess of fun. In the past two months, I have decided to completely change every aspect of my life. So I am currently a student in college. I was planning on getting a couple of minors and graduating in a couple of years. The projected date was April of 2010. However, I was sitting at my house one night looking at my schedule for the fall and all the sudden I just felt like I needed to change everything. So I did. I did all the math and realized that if I dropped my minors, I could graduate in the next year. So I put everything in motion. Within days I had all my classes worked out and I had talked to all the right people and now I am set to walk in April of this next year. Then after my internship, I will get my diploma in August. It was crazy how it all changed.

Well after I changed my life plan as far as school, things started going south with all of my current friends. I started getting used. And I started having all these relationships that had been going for years that suddenly just stopped working. People just disappeared. I had been living in the same place for 3 years and I just felt like I was suffocating and needed to get out. So now I've moved to a totally different part of town (it's actually closer to work and my classes, which is nice).

Now I'm not quite sure why all this is happening. In fact, it's driving me insane because I'm so lost in life right now. I don't know what I'm going to do when I graduate, I also don't know what I'm going to do this weekend. I don't have the friends that I had before, and I've been to busy to meet people in my new area. But I know that this is right, I know that there is a plan in my life that is being set in motion. It's a weird feeling, but it's crazy cool.

Wendy Peffercorn?

I am a lifeguard. I take great pleasure in saying the previously stated sentence. It means a lot to me, I am highly trained, I take it seriously and I love what I do. I get paid to sit around in a swimsuit and get a tan. I watch stupid people make stupid mistakes and get paid good money to do it. I swear all I do all day is yell walk. In fact I’m pretty sure most the kids at the pool think I only know a few phrases, walk being the number one. In fact most days I feel like a broken record. But once we get past that, I do actually love my job. It has knowledge on how to save people’s lives. Not only do I know that, but I love to study it. Recently I went and got my Lifeguarding Instructor Certification. This means that I can now teach lifeguarding classes, and instruct today’s youth on how to also save lives.

I feel like I have a new found power that slightly scares me. I have been recertifying a lot of old lifeguards that just need to stay current. This is totally fine to me. I don’t mind this at all, they already have the knowledge, so they just ask a few questions, take the tests, and we are good. However, I helped out teaching an actual lifeguarding class this past week. I was only there a couple days, but I was left alone to teach what you do if you think someone has hurt their spine. This is a long and complicated process that you have to do completely perfect in order to ensure that you don’t injure the victim anymore. Also this has to be done super fast in order to keep the victim comfortable and make sure they are breathing. Well I wasn’t given a whole lot of time to teach this, so I taught it the best I could, trying to pass on all my knowledge to these wanting minds (not, they didn’t really want to be there at this point). Well a couple of these kids I work with.

This is a good and bad thing. Good, because a couple of the people are actually really good at what they have learned. They totally understood what I was saying and did everything with complete confidence. The bad side is because some of these people can’t save someone’s lives if their live depended on it. They did well enough to pass the test and all, don’t get me wrong, they just froze up a bit under pressure. I had to calm them down before they could think properly. So when I have a shift with these people at work it may cause me some issues. That I will have to get over.

But back to the good. Today I showed up to work and the supervisor told me that they had the first spinal rescue of the year. I was like wow, I wish I had been here (I’ve never been a part of one before in all my years of guarding). She was like yeah, Emily did it (name has been changed). Well Emily is a girl that I taught to do spinals yesterday and I certified today. She had been on duty for like 15 minutes for the first time ever when it happened. Well apparently it all went smoothly and she did an amazing job. But wow… talk about responsibility. (Oh by the way, the kid had just hit his head and after EMS checked him out, he went back to playing). I mean seriously, I trained that girl. If I had taught her wrong something could have gone totally wrong. Hmmm… You never saw anything like that in the Sandlot… Blast!

What is Odd?

So totally unexpectedly tonight I got the opportunity to see Prince Caspian, which I have been dying to see since I saw the first Narnia movie. It was in a word, Amazing. The movie not only met my expectations, but far succeeded them beyond anything I could hope for. Two very hot men to stare at (granted one had the worst fake accent I've ever heard, but hey he was gorgeous with his mouth closed), action, and everything beautifully played out on screen. The camera cuts were amazing. Put together beautifully. I'm sure there will be those that disagree, but I was totally enthralled. Even knowing how it was going to end (having ready the book over 3 dozen times) I still was frightened that everything wasn't going to go as planned. Not to mention every 5 seconds or so, my friend or I would lean over and be like, look at the Gospel implication there!! Isn't C.S. Lewis amazing?!?

Now I mentioned earlier, I've read the book over 3 dozen times. I loved these books as a child. I read them every 6 months or so, if not more. They were a series I could finish in a matter of days, sometimes a little over a week, and it got better every time. I felt like I knew each person, almost as if I was an extra character in the book. In fact my dreams were filled with scenes from the books constantly, as well as in my daydreams. It was my respite from reality. Narnia was my world. I lived there for a good chunk of my childhood. Still today, I see the characters in my head. I can't picture them now as I use to back then, because the characters from the movies stare back at me now. However, I still play out what it was like.

I was expecting to go and see Prince Caspian and have it be worse than the first movie, and totally fail to what I had created in my head. However, I was horribly wrong. It was as if someone had reached inside my head and created my world on screen, only improved it on a few of my blurry points. I was utterly impressed. Here was the world that I had dreamed about for all the world to see. Everyone could understand my world now. Though, I don't really talk in the language, and I never was ridiculed as the Pevensie children for I never talked about my secret world, it felt good to see it on the screen.

I am still the odd child that I always was. I am outwardly very sociable, and I love to be around people. However, inside I would rather just be curled up with a good book or movie going. I love having a world going in my head, recreating what my interpretation of what an author had in their head. I'm not creative enough for my own stories, so I use other people's bases to get my story going. It is my way of life and it totally works for me :)

Unrequited Love

So sadly... I'm reusing an old poem for the post of the night. It fits though... it's what is on my mind... so I thought I would just reuse it. Enjoy :)

Unrequited Love

I walk into the room
And see you across the crowd.
You come up next to me, to say hello
Because the place is loud.
You know who I am,
You call me a friend
And though it kills me
That role, I pretend.

My stomach begins to flutter
Because you are there
My heart completely skips a beat
Yet you are unaware.
My lips are tingling
From that kiss
That will never happen
And is mine to miss.

You’ll never know
For I cannot tell
But of my love
I wish to yell.
Inside, a whispered fear
Keeps me silent
It tells me of your reaction
The rejection spitted so violent.

I know there could be
Possibly another ending
But if I thought it true,
I’d just be pretending.
So this subject
That is not undreamed of
Is just another classic case
Of unrequited Love.

Writing for the Sake of Writing

I have discovered recently (okay more like the past year) that I am completely unable to find something to write about. It's just not working for me right now. I can't seem to string words together into any fashion that comes out making sense or really about any subject. My ideas about things always seem to be lame or just catty. And I hate lame and catty. So instead I just don't write. So as you can see I haven't posted anything in my blog since October. Not only that, I really hadn't posted before that since May a year ago. I'm lame.

Though I did have an interesting thought tonight. I realized tonight through a random game that was played that my first childhood dream was to be a hitchhiker when I grew up. I didn't want to be a singer or an ice skater (those all came later) I wanted to be a hitchhiker. I thought it was so cool that people would stand on the side of the highway and hold out their thumbs and that people in the cars knew that this meant that they needed a ride. Then if they had enough room people would stop and pick them up. This was a cheap way to travel. In my little mind, this totally worked.

So now I ponder the reasons that I am not a professional hitchhiker. I seriously would love to travel from one side of the nation to the other by way of hitchhiking. Though I just told a friend that he should... then he informed me that his cousin was killed as a hitchhiker. So there is strike one against my glorious plan. I also would still have to have money for food. I don't have all that much money. I guess that I could stop occasionally in towns and work for food, but that would mean I would then need lodging as well. So there is strike two. I'm pretty sure hitchhiking is illegal in some places... therefore I have now discovered strike three.

Well as much as I would like to do this I think I'm going to stick to the old fashioned way of just driving myself across the nation, or flying someday. However, if I do hitchhike, I'll let you know how it goes.

My Life Should Be A Play

It wouldn't be entertaining at all... in fact I would probably have to pay people to sit through it. However, it is filled with drama. Generally not my own, because I'm not that cool, but rather with other peoples. Wherever I go, I seem to be a magnet for spill of the drama. I can handle it from those I'm close to and those I know it is going to come from, but somehow it just always seems to spill out. I know that I do create some drama with decisions I make, and I'm more than definitely cool with that. In fact, I like my drama generally. It is that drama that is created by others. Such as... so and so told so and so to tell me to tell you this. Man I feel like I'm back in middle school again.

Drama because someone made a promise and broke it and went behind peoples backs. Seriously... just talk to each other. How hard is that? Deal with the problem, talk it out and then it is over. That is all it takes. Seriously... how hard is it to face a problem head on? I'm so sick of the drama. What did Kim Possible use to say? So not the drama? Haha... that's my new motto.

This Is Halloween

October 31, The day of the dead, All Hallows Eve. The day originally started as a pagan festival that was at the end of the harvest. It was thought that October 31 was the day that the worlds between the living and the dead crossed over. Those that were deceased would come back to live and wreak havoc on the lives of the living. They festivities often included a bonfire, wearing of bones, masks and costumes to mimic what they thought of the dead. When the Romans entered the scene, they brought their own traditions to add in. Along with celebrating the dead, they celebrated the Goddess, Pomona who's symbol was the apple.

As we look now, we still many traditions that have basis in the original festival. We all dress up for a day mimicking something else. Even down to the apples (bobbing for apples) and bones. It's the one day of the year where everyone can become someone they aren't. It gives a sense of confidence. People do things that they would never consider doing on any other day. Often times there are a lot of things that happen that people wake up the next day and say, what happened...

Some people hate the holiday. I have a friend that is so deathly afraid of clowns, she never goes out on Halloween on the off chance that she may see a clown. Then there are those that love it. I am one in that category. Already this Halloween I have worn two different costumes and may put on a third later. I haven't decided that one yet. There are those that like it for different reasons. Some enjoy scaring others and plan all fall for their scare night. Some use it to escape back to their childhood. In a way that was me this year. My first costume was Flora, the pink fairy from Sleeping Beauty. Right now, I am wearing a beautiful black dress with a tiara and wings, being a fairy princess. What does every little girl want to be? Haha... yeah that's me.

My favorite is the guys who decide not to have inhibitions and use the holiday to expose themselves to the world. My date last year decided to wear just spandex... I can't even remember what his costume was. Already twice this year I have encountered guys that were some form of Tarzan. Just a loincloth. I laugh when guys say that Halloween is just an excuse for girls to wear lingerie and put on rodent ears and call it a costume. That statement is true in most universes (just not most of BYU). However, guys can't judge because they do the exact same things.

I personally love the holiday because it is my escape for the day. I get to be a different person and I get to play that part. Whatever happens, happens. I take everything in such a good way, nothing can phase me while I am in costume. It is a great day... my favorite holiday. This is Halloween...

Conundrums

You always want what you can’t have… Apparently, because that is what “they” say. One, who is they? Two, is this true? Do I want what I can’t have? Am I attracted to something because it is forbidden to me? Interestingly enough, since the last time I wrote, I’ve had some experience with this in my own life.

All through my life, I have been told that certain things are wrong. They were not so much forbidden topics as just forbidden to do. Naturally being human, this drew me towards them, had me curious. I pushed the limits wanting to know more why they were forbidden to me. And then one day, I just broke all the rules. I didn’t understand why they were forbidden and I decided that for me, they weren’t. By breaking these rules, I suddenly could have it. But I still wanted it, of course it did take away the mystery and suddenly, though I enjoyed what I found, I wasn’t as drawn to it.

So in my opinion yes, you do always want what you can’t have. Not being able to have it will draw you in, and once you have it, it may lose its savor, or it may stay just as sweet. Everyone wants though what they can’t have.

Unbuttered Popcorn

So I have a roommate who hates to watch movies. She really can’t sit through most, thinks they are a waste of time. She looks at me and thinks I am crazy. I watch almost a movie a day. Really, I cannot function without it. So she looks at me and wonders why do I waste my time in such a fashion. I even sometimes wonder if she thinks I’m lazy. So yesterday, my mom and I went shopping. I started talking to her about this movie thing and how worried I was about my roommate. Suddenly my mom says, “Kara, she just doesn’t realize what movies do for you.” And that was the end of that part of the conversation.

But as I sat there thinking about what she had just said, I realized what she said was true. I had just been focusing on the fact that I watch a lot of movies, not my reasons for it. Normally I turn one on for background noise, I can’t focus unless I hear people talking. But that is just reason number one. Certain movies help me sleep. Others are comfort things. All movies help me to get rid of stress. Really if I need an escape that is were I turn. For me, it isn’t a waste of time, it helps me clear time.

Movies are my respite from reality. It’s funny, it’s almost as if they give me the rest I get with a nap, but still I’m awake. I always feel recharged after a movie. Somehow, but sitting in front of the tube, I get more done. It’s funny thought, I’ve been like this for most of my life, and I’m just realizing this now. It’s a great realization though.

History

So today I was sitting in my history class and the question was posed, “Why do some people carry more cargo?” Now the application in class had something to do with natural resources and that sort of stuff, but it got me thinking. Why do some people carry more cargo? We happen across people who are so carefree and seem to have no burdens weighing down on them. But then there are others that seem to have more than their share weighing down on them. So what is the difference?
One of the things that I have noticed about those that are burdened down by more than their fair share of cargo is that they do have more than their share. They tend to have had a life that lays burdens on them, but only because they see all those burdens. And then in order to make their load seem heavier, they take on others burdens. They begin to feel the pain of others. It is almost in an effort to get others to notice them. I don’t know if this is true, it’s just what I’ve noticed.
Those that are carefree are those that the rest of us envy. We all wish that we could push away all our cares. I have two possible explanations for this mentality. There are those people that honestly know how to just forget about things. They just don’t even realize that there is something there to bug them. The second is that people have actually begun to fully understand the atonement. At this point, people can learn to let Christ take their burdens. These people who have found true peace are the ones who I want to learn to be like. I don’t have more than my share of burden, but I do have my burdens. I want to become one of those that can share my load with the Savior.

Eating Toast

So I know that I want to write. but I don't know what to write about. Basically, no inpiration is flowing. So I'm going to just type. I've been wanting to write something funny. And so I've been putting off writing because I didn't have anything funny to write about. I even started trying to think about funny stuff. But then I realized, I'm not funny, that's not me. Okay I don't mean that I'm absolutely straight faced, no joking allowed. I can be funny at times. But never intentionally. I realized that anytime I set out to be funny, I'm not. Guess I can't get a job as a comedian. Rather, I just never hold my tongue and I say everything that pops into my head. Apparently, people sometimes find me funny.

So in reality, I'm actually very serious, just when it comes to writing. I have a lot of thoughts that are running through my head that want to come out, but they don't tend to come out in real conversation, or I just don't want to talk about them with whom ever. So instead I write about them here. They just manifest themselves in written form. And though no one can respond to what I'm saying, I don't need that. It just helps me to sort through everything that is going on in this head of mine. There is way too much stuffed in there. Because of that, I'm stressing way too much, and I can't sleep at night because my mind wont hold still. Okay, now I'm getting in on my problems, and that doesn't need to happen. Ta ta for now.

I Think, therefore I Exist

Originally credited to René Descartes is the statement “Cogito, ergo sum” meaning I think, therefore I am. Though he was wrongly credited, he never actually said this. Descartes only said, “Cogito, sum.” This translates to I think, I am. The therefore definitely adds a new meaning. But in reality, I don’t care. I’ve given this some thought as of late.

I’m in college right, and there are times when I feel absolutely stupid. Professors try to make you look stupid and put forth tests to confirm that. To have any success at this school, you either have to be super smart, or you have to give up any semblance of a life. Which I have now basically done. I sacrifice some school and some life, but now I’m working on top of things, and so my life is spread way to thin. But too much complaining.

There are some people that I talk to, when they open their mouths I wonder, do they put any thought into anything? I don’t mean this in any rude way. But you know what I’m talking about. I seriously wonder sometimes if people actually think, I mean I know they think, but I wonder if they have had a deep thought ever in their lives. I think one could exist without ever putting forth an original thought of their own.

On the other hand, everyone is always thinking about something, even if it is what nail color they should get for their manicure. It’s not possible to stop thought entirely. I wonder if we could stop thought, would it cause death? I believe that it would. Think about it, people in hospitals, the ones that are considered vegetables, they have no brain activity. Because of this, they have to be kept alive on a ventilator. They aren’t truly alive, a machine is what is doing it for them.

But is this really what Descartes means, that we have to think of we die. I don’t know. I can see another take. By thinking, we put out original thought, and if we actually voice that thought, we become and individual. Suddenly, we become a recognizable part of society. We are there. Thought gives us a name, thought helps us to live. We do more than just occupy space. When one thinks, one exists.