Wendy Peffercorn?

I am a lifeguard. I take great pleasure in saying the previously stated sentence. It means a lot to me, I am highly trained, I take it seriously and I love what I do. I get paid to sit around in a swimsuit and get a tan. I watch stupid people make stupid mistakes and get paid good money to do it. I swear all I do all day is yell walk. In fact I’m pretty sure most the kids at the pool think I only know a few phrases, walk being the number one. In fact most days I feel like a broken record. But once we get past that, I do actually love my job. It has knowledge on how to save people’s lives. Not only do I know that, but I love to study it. Recently I went and got my Lifeguarding Instructor Certification. This means that I can now teach lifeguarding classes, and instruct today’s youth on how to also save lives.

I feel like I have a new found power that slightly scares me. I have been recertifying a lot of old lifeguards that just need to stay current. This is totally fine to me. I don’t mind this at all, they already have the knowledge, so they just ask a few questions, take the tests, and we are good. However, I helped out teaching an actual lifeguarding class this past week. I was only there a couple days, but I was left alone to teach what you do if you think someone has hurt their spine. This is a long and complicated process that you have to do completely perfect in order to ensure that you don’t injure the victim anymore. Also this has to be done super fast in order to keep the victim comfortable and make sure they are breathing. Well I wasn’t given a whole lot of time to teach this, so I taught it the best I could, trying to pass on all my knowledge to these wanting minds (not, they didn’t really want to be there at this point). Well a couple of these kids I work with.

This is a good and bad thing. Good, because a couple of the people are actually really good at what they have learned. They totally understood what I was saying and did everything with complete confidence. The bad side is because some of these people can’t save someone’s lives if their live depended on it. They did well enough to pass the test and all, don’t get me wrong, they just froze up a bit under pressure. I had to calm them down before they could think properly. So when I have a shift with these people at work it may cause me some issues. That I will have to get over.

But back to the good. Today I showed up to work and the supervisor told me that they had the first spinal rescue of the year. I was like wow, I wish I had been here (I’ve never been a part of one before in all my years of guarding). She was like yeah, Emily did it (name has been changed). Well Emily is a girl that I taught to do spinals yesterday and I certified today. She had been on duty for like 15 minutes for the first time ever when it happened. Well apparently it all went smoothly and she did an amazing job. But wow… talk about responsibility. (Oh by the way, the kid had just hit his head and after EMS checked him out, he went back to playing). I mean seriously, I trained that girl. If I had taught her wrong something could have gone totally wrong. Hmmm… You never saw anything like that in the Sandlot… Blast!

What is Odd?

So totally unexpectedly tonight I got the opportunity to see Prince Caspian, which I have been dying to see since I saw the first Narnia movie. It was in a word, Amazing. The movie not only met my expectations, but far succeeded them beyond anything I could hope for. Two very hot men to stare at (granted one had the worst fake accent I've ever heard, but hey he was gorgeous with his mouth closed), action, and everything beautifully played out on screen. The camera cuts were amazing. Put together beautifully. I'm sure there will be those that disagree, but I was totally enthralled. Even knowing how it was going to end (having ready the book over 3 dozen times) I still was frightened that everything wasn't going to go as planned. Not to mention every 5 seconds or so, my friend or I would lean over and be like, look at the Gospel implication there!! Isn't C.S. Lewis amazing?!?

Now I mentioned earlier, I've read the book over 3 dozen times. I loved these books as a child. I read them every 6 months or so, if not more. They were a series I could finish in a matter of days, sometimes a little over a week, and it got better every time. I felt like I knew each person, almost as if I was an extra character in the book. In fact my dreams were filled with scenes from the books constantly, as well as in my daydreams. It was my respite from reality. Narnia was my world. I lived there for a good chunk of my childhood. Still today, I see the characters in my head. I can't picture them now as I use to back then, because the characters from the movies stare back at me now. However, I still play out what it was like.

I was expecting to go and see Prince Caspian and have it be worse than the first movie, and totally fail to what I had created in my head. However, I was horribly wrong. It was as if someone had reached inside my head and created my world on screen, only improved it on a few of my blurry points. I was utterly impressed. Here was the world that I had dreamed about for all the world to see. Everyone could understand my world now. Though, I don't really talk in the language, and I never was ridiculed as the Pevensie children for I never talked about my secret world, it felt good to see it on the screen.

I am still the odd child that I always was. I am outwardly very sociable, and I love to be around people. However, inside I would rather just be curled up with a good book or movie going. I love having a world going in my head, recreating what my interpretation of what an author had in their head. I'm not creative enough for my own stories, so I use other people's bases to get my story going. It is my way of life and it totally works for me :)

Unrequited Love

So sadly... I'm reusing an old poem for the post of the night. It fits though... it's what is on my mind... so I thought I would just reuse it. Enjoy :)

Unrequited Love

I walk into the room
And see you across the crowd.
You come up next to me, to say hello
Because the place is loud.
You know who I am,
You call me a friend
And though it kills me
That role, I pretend.

My stomach begins to flutter
Because you are there
My heart completely skips a beat
Yet you are unaware.
My lips are tingling
From that kiss
That will never happen
And is mine to miss.

You’ll never know
For I cannot tell
But of my love
I wish to yell.
Inside, a whispered fear
Keeps me silent
It tells me of your reaction
The rejection spitted so violent.

I know there could be
Possibly another ending
But if I thought it true,
I’d just be pretending.
So this subject
That is not undreamed of
Is just another classic case
Of unrequited Love.

Writing for the Sake of Writing

I have discovered recently (okay more like the past year) that I am completely unable to find something to write about. It's just not working for me right now. I can't seem to string words together into any fashion that comes out making sense or really about any subject. My ideas about things always seem to be lame or just catty. And I hate lame and catty. So instead I just don't write. So as you can see I haven't posted anything in my blog since October. Not only that, I really hadn't posted before that since May a year ago. I'm lame.

Though I did have an interesting thought tonight. I realized tonight through a random game that was played that my first childhood dream was to be a hitchhiker when I grew up. I didn't want to be a singer or an ice skater (those all came later) I wanted to be a hitchhiker. I thought it was so cool that people would stand on the side of the highway and hold out their thumbs and that people in the cars knew that this meant that they needed a ride. Then if they had enough room people would stop and pick them up. This was a cheap way to travel. In my little mind, this totally worked.

So now I ponder the reasons that I am not a professional hitchhiker. I seriously would love to travel from one side of the nation to the other by way of hitchhiking. Though I just told a friend that he should... then he informed me that his cousin was killed as a hitchhiker. So there is strike one against my glorious plan. I also would still have to have money for food. I don't have all that much money. I guess that I could stop occasionally in towns and work for food, but that would mean I would then need lodging as well. So there is strike two. I'm pretty sure hitchhiking is illegal in some places... therefore I have now discovered strike three.

Well as much as I would like to do this I think I'm going to stick to the old fashioned way of just driving myself across the nation, or flying someday. However, if I do hitchhike, I'll let you know how it goes.

My Life Should Be A Play

It wouldn't be entertaining at all... in fact I would probably have to pay people to sit through it. However, it is filled with drama. Generally not my own, because I'm not that cool, but rather with other peoples. Wherever I go, I seem to be a magnet for spill of the drama. I can handle it from those I'm close to and those I know it is going to come from, but somehow it just always seems to spill out. I know that I do create some drama with decisions I make, and I'm more than definitely cool with that. In fact, I like my drama generally. It is that drama that is created by others. Such as... so and so told so and so to tell me to tell you this. Man I feel like I'm back in middle school again.

Drama because someone made a promise and broke it and went behind peoples backs. Seriously... just talk to each other. How hard is that? Deal with the problem, talk it out and then it is over. That is all it takes. Seriously... how hard is it to face a problem head on? I'm so sick of the drama. What did Kim Possible use to say? So not the drama? Haha... that's my new motto.

This Is Halloween

October 31, The day of the dead, All Hallows Eve. The day originally started as a pagan festival that was at the end of the harvest. It was thought that October 31 was the day that the worlds between the living and the dead crossed over. Those that were deceased would come back to live and wreak havoc on the lives of the living. They festivities often included a bonfire, wearing of bones, masks and costumes to mimic what they thought of the dead. When the Romans entered the scene, they brought their own traditions to add in. Along with celebrating the dead, they celebrated the Goddess, Pomona who's symbol was the apple.

As we look now, we still many traditions that have basis in the original festival. We all dress up for a day mimicking something else. Even down to the apples (bobbing for apples) and bones. It's the one day of the year where everyone can become someone they aren't. It gives a sense of confidence. People do things that they would never consider doing on any other day. Often times there are a lot of things that happen that people wake up the next day and say, what happened...

Some people hate the holiday. I have a friend that is so deathly afraid of clowns, she never goes out on Halloween on the off chance that she may see a clown. Then there are those that love it. I am one in that category. Already this Halloween I have worn two different costumes and may put on a third later. I haven't decided that one yet. There are those that like it for different reasons. Some enjoy scaring others and plan all fall for their scare night. Some use it to escape back to their childhood. In a way that was me this year. My first costume was Flora, the pink fairy from Sleeping Beauty. Right now, I am wearing a beautiful black dress with a tiara and wings, being a fairy princess. What does every little girl want to be? Haha... yeah that's me.

My favorite is the guys who decide not to have inhibitions and use the holiday to expose themselves to the world. My date last year decided to wear just spandex... I can't even remember what his costume was. Already twice this year I have encountered guys that were some form of Tarzan. Just a loincloth. I laugh when guys say that Halloween is just an excuse for girls to wear lingerie and put on rodent ears and call it a costume. That statement is true in most universes (just not most of BYU). However, guys can't judge because they do the exact same things.

I personally love the holiday because it is my escape for the day. I get to be a different person and I get to play that part. Whatever happens, happens. I take everything in such a good way, nothing can phase me while I am in costume. It is a great day... my favorite holiday. This is Halloween...

Conundrums

You always want what you can’t have… Apparently, because that is what “they” say. One, who is they? Two, is this true? Do I want what I can’t have? Am I attracted to something because it is forbidden to me? Interestingly enough, since the last time I wrote, I’ve had some experience with this in my own life.

All through my life, I have been told that certain things are wrong. They were not so much forbidden topics as just forbidden to do. Naturally being human, this drew me towards them, had me curious. I pushed the limits wanting to know more why they were forbidden to me. And then one day, I just broke all the rules. I didn’t understand why they were forbidden and I decided that for me, they weren’t. By breaking these rules, I suddenly could have it. But I still wanted it, of course it did take away the mystery and suddenly, though I enjoyed what I found, I wasn’t as drawn to it.

So in my opinion yes, you do always want what you can’t have. Not being able to have it will draw you in, and once you have it, it may lose its savor, or it may stay just as sweet. Everyone wants though what they can’t have.

Unbuttered Popcorn

So I have a roommate who hates to watch movies. She really can’t sit through most, thinks they are a waste of time. She looks at me and thinks I am crazy. I watch almost a movie a day. Really, I cannot function without it. So she looks at me and wonders why do I waste my time in such a fashion. I even sometimes wonder if she thinks I’m lazy. So yesterday, my mom and I went shopping. I started talking to her about this movie thing and how worried I was about my roommate. Suddenly my mom says, “Kara, she just doesn’t realize what movies do for you.” And that was the end of that part of the conversation.

But as I sat there thinking about what she had just said, I realized what she said was true. I had just been focusing on the fact that I watch a lot of movies, not my reasons for it. Normally I turn one on for background noise, I can’t focus unless I hear people talking. But that is just reason number one. Certain movies help me sleep. Others are comfort things. All movies help me to get rid of stress. Really if I need an escape that is were I turn. For me, it isn’t a waste of time, it helps me clear time.

Movies are my respite from reality. It’s funny, it’s almost as if they give me the rest I get with a nap, but still I’m awake. I always feel recharged after a movie. Somehow, but sitting in front of the tube, I get more done. It’s funny thought, I’ve been like this for most of my life, and I’m just realizing this now. It’s a great realization though.

History

So today I was sitting in my history class and the question was posed, “Why do some people carry more cargo?” Now the application in class had something to do with natural resources and that sort of stuff, but it got me thinking. Why do some people carry more cargo? We happen across people who are so carefree and seem to have no burdens weighing down on them. But then there are others that seem to have more than their share weighing down on them. So what is the difference?
One of the things that I have noticed about those that are burdened down by more than their fair share of cargo is that they do have more than their share. They tend to have had a life that lays burdens on them, but only because they see all those burdens. And then in order to make their load seem heavier, they take on others burdens. They begin to feel the pain of others. It is almost in an effort to get others to notice them. I don’t know if this is true, it’s just what I’ve noticed.
Those that are carefree are those that the rest of us envy. We all wish that we could push away all our cares. I have two possible explanations for this mentality. There are those people that honestly know how to just forget about things. They just don’t even realize that there is something there to bug them. The second is that people have actually begun to fully understand the atonement. At this point, people can learn to let Christ take their burdens. These people who have found true peace are the ones who I want to learn to be like. I don’t have more than my share of burden, but I do have my burdens. I want to become one of those that can share my load with the Savior.

Eating Toast

So I know that I want to write. but I don't know what to write about. Basically, no inpiration is flowing. So I'm going to just type. I've been wanting to write something funny. And so I've been putting off writing because I didn't have anything funny to write about. I even started trying to think about funny stuff. But then I realized, I'm not funny, that's not me. Okay I don't mean that I'm absolutely straight faced, no joking allowed. I can be funny at times. But never intentionally. I realized that anytime I set out to be funny, I'm not. Guess I can't get a job as a comedian. Rather, I just never hold my tongue and I say everything that pops into my head. Apparently, people sometimes find me funny.

So in reality, I'm actually very serious, just when it comes to writing. I have a lot of thoughts that are running through my head that want to come out, but they don't tend to come out in real conversation, or I just don't want to talk about them with whom ever. So instead I write about them here. They just manifest themselves in written form. And though no one can respond to what I'm saying, I don't need that. It just helps me to sort through everything that is going on in this head of mine. There is way too much stuffed in there. Because of that, I'm stressing way too much, and I can't sleep at night because my mind wont hold still. Okay, now I'm getting in on my problems, and that doesn't need to happen. Ta ta for now.

I Think, therefore I Exist

Originally credited to René Descartes is the statement “Cogito, ergo sum” meaning I think, therefore I am. Though he was wrongly credited, he never actually said this. Descartes only said, “Cogito, sum.” This translates to I think, I am. The therefore definitely adds a new meaning. But in reality, I don’t care. I’ve given this some thought as of late.

I’m in college right, and there are times when I feel absolutely stupid. Professors try to make you look stupid and put forth tests to confirm that. To have any success at this school, you either have to be super smart, or you have to give up any semblance of a life. Which I have now basically done. I sacrifice some school and some life, but now I’m working on top of things, and so my life is spread way to thin. But too much complaining.

There are some people that I talk to, when they open their mouths I wonder, do they put any thought into anything? I don’t mean this in any rude way. But you know what I’m talking about. I seriously wonder sometimes if people actually think, I mean I know they think, but I wonder if they have had a deep thought ever in their lives. I think one could exist without ever putting forth an original thought of their own.

On the other hand, everyone is always thinking about something, even if it is what nail color they should get for their manicure. It’s not possible to stop thought entirely. I wonder if we could stop thought, would it cause death? I believe that it would. Think about it, people in hospitals, the ones that are considered vegetables, they have no brain activity. Because of this, they have to be kept alive on a ventilator. They aren’t truly alive, a machine is what is doing it for them.

But is this really what Descartes means, that we have to think of we die. I don’t know. I can see another take. By thinking, we put out original thought, and if we actually voice that thought, we become and individual. Suddenly, we become a recognizable part of society. We are there. Thought gives us a name, thought helps us to live. We do more than just occupy space. When one thinks, one exists.

Comparing my Love Life to the War Chapters of the Book of Mormon

For those of you who have never read the Book of Mormon, it is an amazing book that has changed my life. Literally, I would not be the same without this book. It teaches so many profound yet applicable things. In 1 Nephi 19:23 it reads, “And I did read many things unto them which were written in the books of Moses; but that I might more fully persuade them to believe in the Lord their Redeemer I did read unto them that which was written by the prophet Isaiah; for I did liken all scriptures unto us, that it might be for our profit and learning.” So I’m following the advice of Nephi and likening the scriptures to my life, my love life to be exact.

Not that my love life is all that happening, it’s actually pretty non-existent. The one guy I really like lives so freaking far away, and the other one that I could possibly be interested in, yeah he pretty much has no interest in me. Though everyone that sees us interact has a belief that he does. I don’t completely know.

As of today I’ve noticed a correlation between the War Chapters of Alma and love, well actually life in general. As those of you who know the Book of Mormon know, the War Chapters are just that, about war. But it goes deeper than that. Contention is of the devil. Each war was started by Satan. This is the same in our lives. Satan is constantly waging a war against us and our emotions. When we like someone, doubts are put into our mind. We begin to question ourselves, if we are worthy of such a beau. It can go as deep as questioning our life and body issues. Satan slowly creeps in and tries to make us as miserable as he is.

When we overcome these doubts and land the guy or girl of our dreams (currently anyway), he changes strategies and wages new war. Suddenly he tries to lower our defenses and lull us into a sense of false security. If we had boundaries before as to what lines we would not cross, they began to fade. He rationalizes, he tries to confuse us. In Alma 47, Amalikiah shows us all the tactics of Satan.

Because we can begin to know our enemy, we can start to build up our defenses against him. Throughout the rest of Alma and most of Helaman, we are shown examples of the great men who lead the Nephites away from destruction. The fortifications that they use to protect there cities are very symbolic of what we can do to protect our lives. We are shown examples of staying as far away from the adversary and boundaries as possible. If we stay a mile away at all times than we have no fear of crossing them. Another great leader shows us to keep reservoirs. Journal writing, write when Satan has let down on the attack so that when he is at his strongest, we can go back and see how much we do truly know.

Most of all, we are shown that it is by the little things we can overcome. Just living what we know to be right, day by day. Always just striving for truth. If we try, ultimately, we can destroy him and learn what it means to truly know success with the Lord.

Surprising I know, but I can be serious at times.

7-up and Sherbet

So I have recently been thinking about two aphorisms. The first that I will address: It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Is this true? Do we want to shelter ourselves from the pain? In my mind, we shouldn't stop ourselves. We should put ourselves out there. How can I know the happiness and joy of love if I never experience the pain of heartbreak? I have recently discovered that I have been trying to shelter myself. I haven't been putting myself out there. And do you know what I've discovered, that you still get hurt. Even if you don't put yourself out there, people still manage to hurt you. So instead, I'm now going to try to break down my barriers and put everything out. I'm going to take the jump and hope someone catches me. And if I fall, oh well. From the movie Batman Begins, "Why do we fall sir? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up again."
The next cliché I want to discuss: All is fair in Love and War. This is completely one hundred percent true in my opinion. Okay minus one. Chicks before dicks. You never ever ever steal the boyfriend of a friend. Anyone you would even consider close to a friend. That is off limits. An ex's well depending on the situation those are too. But occasionally I deam this alright. Other than this exception, I say all is fair. Let out all stops.
I've also had arranged marriages on my mind as of late. I think that we should have arranged marriages brought back. Honestly, my parents would choose someone who was extremely good-looking and an amazing person to boot. As far as chemistry, that can be aquired. Then I could stop this whole dating thing. But if we refer to above, I am going to put myself back out there, so I guess that I should just hold out and wait.