Chocolate Covered Augustus Flavored Gloop

Yet again, classic boy meets girl. Boy and girl talk. Girl starts to fall for boy. Boy is completely and totally emotionally unavailable. Yes, I’m sorry, I am complaining. Why does it always happen to me, I find the guys that are unavailable for whatever reason. Or they are projects. I have struck luckily maybe twice in my search. But I’ve now found one that is uncrackable, I’ll never be truly in. So I sit here debating what to do.

Every day that I talk to him, I get further in. I’m becoming attached, which scares the living crap out of me. Especially because I know that I’m only hurting myself. But what if I’m not the only one involved. What if there is someone else that I could be hurting too? This thought plagues my mind daily, and has me worried, not just about me, but about others. I know this sounds kind of vague, it’s meant that way. But honestly I swear, on top of being home (which is another story), it’s going to give me an ulcer.

But I can’t stop. It’s like a drug. I’m addicted, I’m in. I guess this kind of applies to everything in my life. Well I don’t know about that, maybe not. Sorry, random thought. But it is like a drug, I know it is probably horrible for me and could potentially hurt me, and everyday that I’m in, the amount of hurt I would go throw grows, but I can’t stop, I’m hooked. The thought of going on without it just kills me. So I’m stuck. I have to choose and both answers seem right.

Basically I wont choose, I’ll just keep going. That’s how I handle situations best. I don’t. Oh well, but yes, I might have an ulcer by the end of the summer. The pool is slowly killing me. Haha… total switch of subjects I know. Forgive me. Well my head hurts, too much thinking I suppose. I really should stop doing that, thinking hurts my head J.

Conundrums

You always want what you can’t have… Apparently, because that is what “they” say. One, who is they? Two, is this true? Do I want what I can’t have? Am I attracted to something because it is forbidden to me? Interestingly enough, since the last time I wrote, I’ve had some experience with this in my own life.

All through my life, I have been told that certain things are wrong. They were not so much forbidden topics as just forbidden to do. Naturally being human, this drew me towards them, had me curious. I pushed the limits wanting to know more why they were forbidden to me. And then one day, I just broke all the rules. I didn’t understand why they were forbidden and I decided that for me, they weren’t. By breaking these rules, I suddenly could have it. But I still wanted it, of course it did take away the mystery and suddenly, though I enjoyed what I found, I wasn’t as drawn to it.

So in my opinion yes, you do always want what you can’t have. Not being able to have it will draw you in, and once you have it, it may lose its savor, or it may stay just as sweet. Everyone wants though what they can’t have.