Whipple Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight

Today started out quite interesting. Myself and all my friends being the Grey's Anatomy fanatics that we are, watch Grey's Anatomy at the first possible moment that we can. It airs on Thursday nights and is posted on ABC.com first thing Friday morning. Well, I usually watch it Friday in between classes. This morning, my roommate decided to take it to the extreme. She was up at 6 am (her first class isn't till 10) showering, and then I was woken up around 6:45 as she started Grey's. There went my sleep. I didn't actually watch it, as I was trying to get some sleep, but that's okay. So the show was over, and I fell back asleep for a bit. Got up to campus early, for the first time in a long time and yeah, that all went well.

I scheduled an appointment that I have be trying to get scheduled for a long time. Things were looking good for the day, especially because I wasn't really tired today for the first time in days. Then I realized I didn't have any plans for the evening, but that wasn't a problem. I'm just going to stay in and watch movies while getting some much needed homework done. Well I started to sit here and stew. And I realized that I never do anything new. I feel like I'm just living the same old thing over and over again. I got a phone call, and I started to let out all my frustrations. And all the sudden I got really down. Then I had a little bit of hope. I knew it wasn't much, but there was a shot at doing something different, just a shot.

Well, I took that little hope and took it way to far, I started to get all excited and such, and everything that I had been feeling disappeared. Well then, as I knew it would. That little ray of hope was gone. As soon as that happened, everything crashed down. And it crashed hard. I started to really miss my ex. And all the fear about my health and just everything came up. Every hurt and fear that I had over the past 2 months suddenly came to surface, every frustration, every heartache. Everything. So I had a long hard cry, I cried for a long time. Cried harder than I had in years. It felt good, I just let everything out.

Then somehow, after I cried enough to feel normal again, I bottled it back up. I begin to wonder, why do I do that, why do I bottle up my feelings. If I have a real problem with someone I let them know, other than that, I just let it go. But I'm bottling again. Not really bottling, but just not letting it surface. So suddenly, I feel better, but I begin to realize now, who my real friends are. It's funny, the ones who I know will really care, I don't let them in, I don't want to bug them. I know that they are busy and the last thing that I would want would be to burden, so instead I complain to the ones that don't especially want to hear it. So in that same reguard, they wont give me the support I need, they just make it worse almost in a sense. I start to wonder why I have those friends even at all. I mean honestly, they don't help. They just want someone to listen to their problems. It's somewhat frustrating.

Oh well, I guess today, I just needed to let things out, I just need to let myself cry it all out. And then by writing, I clean it from my system. Somehow, it all just seems better after a good cry and a write. I don't know why, but it helps.