Frozen Hot Chocolate

Today, I've decided to write again. Sadly enough, I have not bothered to write since December 31, 2006. That was almost 2 months ago. Strangly, I feel as if I am a completely different person now. So much has changed in the past little bit that it isn't even funny. Just a brief synopsis. I fell in love, broke up, hooked up with the ex (more than once), found out that a guy I crushed on all summer actually was crushing back, and still is, became really good friends with my mom, discovered I have a talent for making people uncomfortable, thought I had mono, thought I gave it to someone, went to the doctor, found out no one knows what is wrong with me, thinking about changing my career path, had to drop a class, and loving school.

So yeah the last little bit has been eventful. It has me thinking about life though. One of the things I have noticed about me is that I have the gift of Joy. I tend to be able to bring Joy into other peoples lives without a problem. It all just depends on the situation. I've noticed many tools that I have been given to bring about that. But I have begun to question if I ever use that in my own life. I mean I look at my life, and I feel like I'm always complaining to everyone. I feel as if I don't know what good is anymore.

So that is my great question, what is good? Is good a state of mind? Is it a state that we are reaching to acheive? What is it?

I look around me every where, and I see happy people, and I tend to be happy, in fact I would call myself happy. But here is the thing, I feel like I'm floundering in life, like I am barely surviving. I don't want to just survive in life, I want to thrive. I want to be one of those that people look at and say how does she do it? Instead I'm always working and doing homework, yet I'm never caught up, and I feel like I'm just getting by. So what is good? Is good being happy with how things are? Or is good a predetermind state that we reach?

I believe that good is relative to each person, but I think we need to learn to think that good is what we have. If we look down the line and say, oh when I graduate I'm going to be content. As soon as we get there, we realize we aren't, so we set the next goal. If we keep saying it is going to happen as soon as we reach a certain point, we never will be. We have to learn to see that the way things are is good. We have to learn to not just survive, but to thrive in ever circumstance. I think discovering that is the hardest part of life. When we learn that, we learn to have true Joy in everything, even in the bad.